


Image [IwaOi]

by skittle_cos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Cussing, Friendship, Gay, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, M/M, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27380224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittle_cos/pseuds/skittle_cos
Summary: Warning!!!  There may be cussing, homophobic slurs, homophobia, child abuse/neglect, and/or mentions of mental illnesses!!!!  If you are triggered by any of these I advise you don’t read this!! <3Oikawa Tooru's homophobic parents are starting to get suspicious of his sexuality because of all the time he spends with his best friend, Iwaizumi Hajime.  He has done his best to keep the fact that he is gay under wraps by always having a girlfriend, but these relationships never last long due to him not having much interest in them.~~~~~~Or, Oikawa pretending he's straight and very slowly coming out of the closet <3
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oikawa Tooru & Shimizu Kiyoko, Oikawa Tooru & Tendou Satori, Oikawa Tooru & Yachi Hitoka, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 78





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Welcome to my horible story!! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Why can you never keep a girlfriend, Tooru? This behavior is getting ridiculous," Tooru Oikawa's father shouts in a fit of rage. "And you always spend all your time either playing volleyball or with that kid, Iwaizumi! Don't tell me you're a fag or something!"

Encounters like these aren't unusual in the Oikawa household. What sucks is that Tooru's family isn't too keen on the idea of two people of the same sex getting married. They always try to engrave the idea that something even close to falling in love with the same gender is disgusting and unheard of.

"Dad, I'm sorry! They are the ones that break up with me; it's not my fault!" Tooru desperately tries to explain to his father. "and I'm not gay if that's what you're implying."

Little do they know, Tooru is, in fact, gay. He's also in love with his best friend. A handsome boy with spiked black hair, heavily lidded brown current eyes, with a spunky attitude. He stands at the top of his volleyball team as the co-captain and ace. For all these reasons, he felt attracted to the male.

"You better hope not, or else I'm transferring you to Shiratorizawa," the older male threatens with a pointed glare.

Tooru did not, under any circumstances, want to attend Shiratorizawa. His father knew this and kept using it to his advantage. Tooru didn't understand what was so bad about being gay. In his eyes, love is love; nothing and no one should stand in the way of someone's happiness for their own ideals. Sadly, his parents didn't see it this way.

"Now go up to your room and don't come out till dinner," Tooru's father demands. "Oh, and make sure to do your homework and study. Your grades are slipping! You want to get into a good college, right?"

His lowest grade is a 94, but he doesn’t feel like wasting his breath on such a stupid person.

"Yes, sir. I’m sorry," Tooru quickly mumbles before hurrying up to his room. 

Upon entering, he plops onto his bed, looking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on his ceiling. He begins to wonder why nothing is working in his favor. Why can't his parents just be accepting? Why did they have to be so strict? Why couldn't they just let him be happy and gay? Why can't they just love him for who he is? Tears start to prickle into his vision. Trying to get his mind off of everything, he thinks about his volleyball team. How nice they are, even if they tease him at times. He thinks about the few things in life that make him happy, like Space, setting a ball, his Iwa-chan. 

_'His' Iwa-chan._

His mind says this as if Hajime were actually his. Sure, Hajime is his best friend, but he will never be more. Hell, he's the straightest person Tooru's ever met! 'Oh shit, I have to get a new girlfriend,' Tooru reminds himself. 'Eh, I'll worry about it tomorrow.' 

Tooru lays there for a moment, tears sinking back into his eyes, before deciding to be productive. He trudges over to his desk, where his unfinished homework waits for him. Unwillingly, he picks up a pencil and gets to work. After a failed attempt at trying to complete his calculous, he sends a text to his friend in a desperate attempt to try and understand even a sliver of the concept. 

**Shittykawa-**

_Do you understand the math stuff? <read> _

_Like- wtf are Differential equations?! <read> _

_Iwa-chaaaaaaaann, I need heeeeellllpppp <read> _

**Iwa-chan <3- **

_Oh my god, will you shut up?! I'm trying to study!_

**Shittykawa-**

_Me too! That's why I'm texting!_

_Help me!!!_

**Iwa-chan <3- **

_Fine, let's call and I'll tell you how to do it._

_But after this, you're leaving me alone_

**Shittykawa-**

_Yay, thank you!!!!_

**Incoming call from "Iwa-chan <3"**

* * *

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow” 

-Helen Keller

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this was pretty short and I'm sorry about that but this is only the introduction so please hang in there for me! Also, I didn't feel like giving an explinantion on Differential equations lol.


	2. Distractions

* * *

"O-Oikawa-san? Uhm, I-I was wondering i-if you would be my b-b-boyf-boyfriend?" the brunette asks in the back of the school building.

As much as Tooru wants to decline the offer, he puts on a fake smile, like always, and replies, "Well, you're quite brave! I like that, so sure!"

"R-really?" the girl shouts in excitement.

"Now, why would I lie to a pretty face like yours? Though unfortunately, I have to go. Volleyball practice starts soon. I'll text you later, 'kay?"

"O-okay! Later, Oikawa," the girl chirps before taking her leave.

Tooru sighs, walking back to the gym. He didn't want to lie to such a nice girl, but he has an image to maintain with his parents. He can't just decline the offer for no reason, or else they will become more suspicious than they already are. 

"You don't like her," Hajime states with crossed arms. 

"Says who? You have no right to tell me who I like and don't," Tooru says with a matter-of-fact tone.

"You can't just play with people's feelings as you do with a volleyball! Every time you get a girlfriend, you break their hearts by ignoring them!"

Tooru lowers his head. Hajime has always been mad about Tooru tampering with girls’ hearts. 'If only he knew what's really going on.'

"I don't feel like talking about this." Tooru pushes past Hajime with a saddened expression on his face.

Hajime sighs before following his friend into the gym. 

Afternoon practice goes by slowly from there. Everybody on the team can sense there is tension between their captain and co-captain. They try to defuse it a bit by making small jokes here and there and attempting not to get on their nerves, but the only thing Tooru could focus on is the ball. He harshly serves it to the other side. The impact between the ground and the ball is deafening, but it lands outside the line. 

"Okay, how about we take five," Nobuteru Irihata suggests, sensing that Tooru is not focusing at the moment. "And Oikawa, come here for a second."

Tooru sighs before heading over to his coach. 

"Yes, coach?"

"What's up? You seem to be distracted."

"I didn't get enough sleep last night. I'm fine, though," Tooru reassures with a small smile.

It wasn't a complete lie. Tooru didn't get a lot of sleep the night prior, but that isn't why he's distracted, though.

"Well, make sure you get some sleep tonight. A captain has to be in tip-top shape, especially when a game is coming up."

"Sorry, sir. I'll try my best," He says before walking away.

Tooru looks over at Hajime for the first time since they got in the gym. He had avoided making any sort of contact with the black-haired boy for most of the practice, but he was too curious to stop. Hajime was talking to Matsuaka and Hanamaki, two other third years on their team. They looked happy; talking, and joking with each other. Hajime then looks over at Tooru. Both their hearts thumped before turning away. 'Shit, he probably saw me,' Tooru silently cries. 

Tooru decides to finally take a sip of his water. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was until the sensation of the cool water as it hits his dry throat. He eagerly takes another big gulp before taking the bottle away to breathe. If only he were that eager to keep a girlfriend. 

Hajime decides that he's had enough of the tension between him and Tooru. Sure, he was mad that Tooru plays with girls' feelings, but he's still his best friend. Hajime will also miss the stupid way that Tooru clings to him and calls him "Iwa-chan". Not that he'll ever admit it. Tooru is special to him; he has been in his life since diapers. Hajime sighs before walking up to the brunette. 

Tooru doesn't notice the elder creeping up behind him until it's too late. Hajime has already smacked his head, making Tooru yelp in pain. 

"Ah! What was that for, Iwa-chan?"

"For being stupid, you Crappykawa. Stop being all depressed and get out of the clouds. We're in practice right now," Hajime demands.

This sends a smile onto Tooru's face. 

"Sorry, Iwa-chan! It won happen again!"

* * *

“Sacrifice is a part of life”

-Mitch Albom


	3. Sakura

* * *

Tooru really did not want to text her. He had promised his new girlfriend, Sakura, he would contact her after practice, but he found nothing about her interesting. She has a boring name, boring personality, average grades, average looks. Sakura is the epitome of boring. She has brown shoulder-length hair with big chocolate-brown eyes. She has okay grades, mostly in the B's and C's, and she is in no honors classes. She takes part in the choir and hates science. It's everything Tooru doesn't want in a person. He can't go on rants about things he likes because she doesn't like the same things. He can't even hold an actual educated discussion with her because of her low intelligence. Don't even get him started with the fact that he's gay. 'Ugh, why is Iwa-chan so perfect!'

Tooru finally stops procrastinating and grabs his phone. He has no notifications except for those of his honors math group chat that he never checks. 

**Oikawa-**

_Hey sorry I never texted sooner_

**Sakura-**

_It's fine I know you're busy_

This isn't good, she's already realizing his lack of effort. He needs to do something quickly.

**Oikawa-**

_Anyway, are you free this Saturday at around noon?_

_I was thinking we could go get something to eat_

**Sakura-**

_Yeah, I would love to!_

_Oh, I gtg!_

_My parents are calling me down for dinner_

**Oikawa-**

_Oh, okay! Bye_

Tooru doesn't wait for any lingering goodbye’s, quickly closing his phone. He cringes at how fake he was throughout that whole conversation. Tooru knows that what he's doing is wrong and he shouldn't be doing this, but he doesn't know what else to do. If his parents find out he's gay, they'll make his life a living hell. If only his sister were still here. She always supported him, no matter what. She didn't care that he liked boys or when he threw on a dress or skirt sometimes as a kid. She would just smile and tell him that this life was his and he can do whatever he wants with it. His sister was his safe haven. 

That is until she died. When Tooru was little and just starting volleyball, his parents couldn't make it to his first ever match because of work. His sister decided to skip out on her date with her boyfriend to come to watch Tooru play. She never ended up at the game though. Nobody was cheering his name and his beloved sister had let down on her promise. He was heartbroken, yet Hajime still continued to spike and serve the ball as if everything was fine. 

About halfway through the second set, sirens and police cars sped down the street and never went away. Distractions aside, Hajime’s team brought home the trophy. Cheers and roars were spread throughout the crowd but didn’t last long.

“Oikawa! Oikawa!” A voice boomed with urgency was calling for him. 

His parents came dashing through the crowd with a panicked expression over them. 

“Dad? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Without any answer, his parents swept him up and carried him back to their car. 

With his father and mother both sobbing, an answer finally rose from one of the adults. 

“Your sister” there was a slight pause. “She died.” Hiccups were dispersed through that short sentence, but they were well deserved. The horrible news didn’t hit Tooru until they drove to the scene of her death. Blood was splashed over the windshield. Some was spilling out of the car and more was sliding down the back seats. Her car was intended by another car. I leaped out of the car and ran over. I tried pushing the officers guarding the vehicle, but they wouldn’t budge.

“Move!” He cried. “Get out of the way! My sister is in there!” Tears were spilling, but it didn’t stop him. The only person he cared for was eliminated from the world. After the incident, he almost decided to quit volleyball for good, but after some convincing from his best friend, Tooru decided to be the best in honor of his sister. 

Tooru looks over at the picture on his nightstand, a single tear streaming down his cheek. It was a selfie he had gotten off of her phone and printed out. The photo showed him and his sister at his first-ever volleyball lesson, where he met Hajime for the first time. If only he could go back to those times.

"Tooru, it's time for dinner," Tooru's mother yells from downstairs.

He quickly wipes his tears away and responds, "Okay, I'll be down in a minute."

Tooru gets up from his bed and walks to his mirror. He makes sure he looks presentable. Tooru brushes his fingers through his hair, making sure there are no residual knots from laying in his bed. He checks the swelling around his eyes waiting for them to become less prominent and a more natural color, in contrast to the red they were before. Tooru then heads downstairs. 

When he gets there, his parents are sitting at the dining table, food already served, waiting for him. 

"Sorry, I had to finish up a math problem," Tooru quickly lies before sitting down in his respective seat. 

They all begin to eat in awkward silence, making Tooru a little antsy. He hates dinner time. He has to sit in deafening silence with his parents for forty-five minutes to an hour every day with a few random questions about school included here and there. 

"So, how are your studies going?" His father asks.

"Good. I got all my grades back up to 95's and higher."

"Good, we need to make sure you get into a good college so you can support your _wife and kids_ when you grow older," his dad says, like always.

Tooru sucks up the snarky comment he was about to make and says, "Yeah."

The rest of the dinner goes on like that. Silent and uncomfortable. 

After everyone finishes, Tooru thanks his parents for the food and walks back upstairs. He had finished his homework at school, so he had nothing to do. Tooru lays in his bed. Deciding not to cry himself to sleep just yet, he picks up his volleyball and sets straight up. Gravity pulls the ball back into his hands, and this repeats for another 30 tosses. He would have kept going if it weren't for his phone going off. Tooru jumps at the sudden sound before reaching over to it. A text from "Iwa-chan <3" showed on the screen. 

**Iwa-chan <3: **

_You free on Saturday around lunchtime?_

_We were planning on going out for lunch_

Tooru thinks for a minute about his schedule. He usually doesn't have anything on Saturday, so he quickly decides that he's free. 

**Shittykawa:**

_Yep! Where are we going?_

**Iwa-chan <3: **

_We were thinking the new cafe down the road from the school_

**Shittykawa:**

_Ooh, yeah! I heard they have really good pastries there_

**Iwa-chan <3: **

_Okay_

_Well, goodnight Shittykawa_

**Shittykawa:**

_Goodnight, Iwa-chan <3!!! _

Tooru notices that Hajime said goodnight first. He never did this. It makes Tooru's heart flutter like never before.   
  


* * *

“Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow” 

\- L. Ron Hubbard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know how many people I make read this before I post it? About 3 each chapter, bc I know that there is probably something wrong with it lol. I dare you to guess who I kin off of that.


	4. Plans

* * *

Tooru really fucked up this time. He went ahead of himself and made plans with different people at the same time on the same day. 

**Sakura:**

_Where did you want to go tomorrow?_

_I was thinking we could go walk around at the mall!_

**Oikawa:**

_Yeah, that sounds good!_

_Meet up around noon?_

**Sakura:**

_Sure! Can't wait to see you!_

Tooru doesn't respond. He doesn't _want_ to pick between people, but he has to. If his parents get word that he ditched his girlfriend for his volleyball friends, they would get pissed. Maybe he’s just worried about nothing though. Maybe they would understand who Tooru is and- oh, what is he thinking? Tooru knows for a fact his parents would cause a storm if they found out. He sighs. At the moment, Tooru’s sitting on his bed, staring at his phone. Oh, how he doesn’t want to cancel his plans with his team, his Iwa-chan. But, he sucks it up and opens his messages to 'Iwa-chan <3'. 

**Shittykawa:**

_Hey, I'm gonna have to skip lunch._

**Iwa-chan <3: **

Okay, but why? 

**Shittykawa:**

_I forgot I made plans with Sakura._

_Sorry, Iwa-chan!_

Hajime feels a pang of hurt in his chest. He didn't know why nor understand, but it was there. He's aware of the fact that Tooru always makes pans with people without thinking of his arrangements made prior. This doesn't stop Hajime from resenting Sakura for taking Tooru away like that. He shakes his head and sucks up his selfish thoughts. He's just being 'petty'.

**Iwa-chan:**

_It's fine, I guess._

_It's not like you're required to come._

Tooru feels bad, really bad. He wants to go hang out with his friends like usual. Sadly, he can't. Tooru also notices that Hajime seemed a bit salty in his words. This makes him feel worse. He knows that Hajime most likely either doesn't care or is pretty mad about it. Tooru hopes it's neither. Tooru hopes that Hajime genuinely wants to hang out with him but doesn't want to get in the way. He doubts this, though. Hajime is the type of person that just stays neutral. Most of the time. He only cares when it's something serious or needs his attention. Like when Kentaro Kyotani starts acting up in school. Tooru tries to get his attention, but it never works unless he doesn't want it to. Hajime cares when he breaks people's hearts or when Tooru gets hurt physically. Tooru sighs and decides that he's going to stop making himself sad. He turns his light off and gets snuggled into his covers. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

The next day at school was dreadful, to say the least. He had an English test, his worst subject, and the volleyball team has a practice match with Shiratorizawa. This means he has to hear Wakatoshi Ushijima tell him to come to Shiratorizawa a million times over. Tooru walks into the locker room, for once not excited for practice. Everyone glances over to him, but he ignores it, walking to his locker. Most of the team leaves the room, knowing Hajime wants to tell Tooru something.

"Oikawa, don't get too mad. It'll only make Ushiwaka annoy you more," Hajime advises, pulling on his shirt.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I really just don't want to deal with him today."

"I know, but you have to. Well, come out when you're ready. I'm going to go ahead."

"Kay, see you in there, Iwa!" Tooru finishes with a fake smile. 

Hajime gives him a worried glance but leaves anyway. He has always noticed when Tooru is fake. Hajime also knows not to push too deep because then Tooru may get mad, or even worse, cry. Hajime doesn't want this. Whenever Tooru cries, it feels as if Hajime's heart breaks into a million pieces. It makes Hajime want to hug him and cuddle him till he knows that his best friend is okay. In a friendly way, that is (that's what he thinks). Hajime has always seen Tooru that way. He cares deeply for his childhood friend. The other members always joke about Tooru and Hajime dating. They are friends, nothing more. Not that he would mind dating the brunette. Hajime shakes his head slightly, getting those thoughts out of his head as he walks into the gym.

Tooru, on the other hand, is in the locker room trying to fight off a panic attack. 'Fuck, I can't do this right now! I'm letting my team down just by not being in there.' He has no idea what caused this. He was just getting ready, like normal, and he starts hyperventilating. Tooru’s breaths are quick puffs of shallow air. He tries to calm himself down by taking bid, deep breaths, and counting to ten. It doesn't work. 

"Oh, I left my water bottle in the locker room! I'll be right back," Shigeru Yahaba tells his team. 

Yahaba feels something off while walking to the changing room. He ignores it as he walks up the steps to the clubroom. Opening the door, Yahaba scans the room for his water bottle till he sees Oikawa breathing heavily, clutching his shirt. Yahaba quickly runs to the captain and hugs him. The second-year doesn't really know what to do in this position, but he decides on bringing Tooru's head to his chest and running his hands through his soft hair. This calms Tooru down almost instantly. He starts to breathe at a more normal pace. Tooru hugs his kohai and whispers a small 'thank you' before stepping back. 

"O-oikawa, are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Tooru quickly responds, full of forged joy. "Sorry about that Ya-chan, I don't know what came over me!"

"Are you sure? That looked pretty serio-" 

"I said I'm fine."

Yahaba stays silent, watching Tooru leave the room. What the hell just happened? 

* * *

“You never know what a person is going through, regardless of how much money they make or however great a life you think they're living”

-Terrell Owens


	5. Shiratorizawa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry I haven't actually posted for a while, but if you look back at the older chapters you may see that I edited it a bit and added a bit for detail :P
> 
> Anyways! I hope you enjoy this next chapter!!

* * *

Tooru feels like shit. It's as simple as that. His panic attacks usually happen close to nighttime, so the drowsiness hits him like a truck. Tooru walks into the gymnasium silently. He sees his team warming up, most likely waiting for Shiratorizawa to get to their school. It shouldn't be too long since they only live about 20 minutes from Aoba Johsai. As if on cue, the door behind the setter opens. 

"Oh, Oikawa." 

"Not in the mood, Ushiwaka. Just leave me alone for now, yeah?" 

This leaves the player silent. It's not like Tooru to be so stoic in his words, even to Wakatoshi. He watches as the setter walks to his team, back hunched over out of what Wakatoshi thinks is laziness. 

"What do you think is up with him, Wakatoshi-kun?" Tendou Satori asks his captain.

"I,” there’s a pause in his words, “have no idea." 

"Hey, Crappykawa, you okay?" Hajime asks when Tooru gets to where he and the rest of the team are.

"Yeah! I'm fine, Iwa-chan! No need to worry!" 

Tooru immediately gets into his position for warmups, not waiting for Hajime to respond. Shiratorizawa also begins to warm up on the other side of the gym, but Tooru pays no mind. He focuses on setting the ball to spike after spike. Set, spike, slam. Set, spike, slam. The only thing Tooru really registers is door opens once again when Yahaba comes back in. 

"Sorry, that took so long. I had to... go to the bathroom!" 

"It's fine. Now hurry and warm up. We should be starting soon," their coach says.

"Yes, sir." 

Tooru feels eyes on him throughout warming up. The people-watching from the bleachers, who are just there to enjoy the game. Yahaba, because he's wondering what the panic attack was about. Hajime, because he can tell that something is wrong with his best friend. Wakatoshi and Satori, because of the way he acted earlier, and worst of all, his girlfriend. She sits up in the bleachers with a few of her friends, all fawning over him. All these combined make Tooru feel anxious and worry-filled. 

"Okay, I think that's enough warming up! I say we get into the game," Shiratorizawa’s coach, Tanji Washijou, suggests. 

Nobuteru agrees and everyone gets into position. 

The game goes like every other time they have gone against Shiratorizawa. Aoba Johsai losing in straight sets. Tooru saw this coming. He knew they would lose before it had even started. Though, that does not mean he didn't try. Tooru tried his damndest to win. He set at his best, he served at his best, he blocked, he even spiked at his best, yet he still failed to win against Ushiwaka. Again. Just like every other time. Tooru should give a speech about how they can win next time or something, but instead, he shrugs it off. He is tired and does not want to deal with his captain duties or anything of the sort at the moment. He can wallow in self-pity later. 

Tooru walks over to a bench and grabs his water. He walks away from the rest of the team, who are attempting to find imaginary weak spots in their enemies' tactics.

"Why do you think we always lose?" Matsuaka then asks Tooru. 

"Because they're better," Tooru says subconsciously. 

His eyes widen. Did he, Oikawa Tooru, just admit that Shiratorizawa is superior? It’s not he didn’t know the facts already, but he never actually vocalized the statement till now. Tooru feels a wave of guilt wash over him but he can’t bring himself to care at the moment. He’ll deal with the consequences later.

"W-well I mean... yeah. But I never thought you would say that Mr. 'I am way better than Shiratorizawa'," Matsuaka responds, recovering from his state of shock. 

"Yeah, whatever. I'm going to get some fresh air." 

"O-okay." 

Once Tooru gets outside, he throws his water on the ground, a thump resonating from the impact. ‘Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! Of course, they won. Not like I’m good enough to beet them. They’re way out of our league, literally,’ Tooru univocally reprimands himself. He yells and kicks a wall with all his might. Tears threaten to spill through the image he uses each and every day. Tooru leans against the wall he once kicked, thinking of the promise he made to his sister. 'Why am I so fucking weak?' he wonders. 'I'm sorry I can't be the best, Hana. I'm sorry I broke my promise.' 

Suddenly, Tooru feels a hesitant hand grasp his shoulder. His eyes widen, looking up at the culprit, who turns out to be Tendou Satori, a middle blocker for Shiratorizawa, viewing Tooru with downcast eyes. 

"I knew something was up earlier, but I didn't realize it was this bad," Satori frowns. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but at least tell someone. Bottling it all up isn't going to help in the long run." 

"I-I... I'm fucking in love with my best friend," Tooru states instantly. 

"Well, that much is obvious, but what's actually wrong?" 

Tooru hesitantly takes a breath before telling Satori everything, "My parents are homophobic, and they don't know I'm gay, so I have to fucking hide it, but they don't believe me unless I have a girlfriend, but they always break up with me. They'll stop me from seeing Iwa-chan if they find out I like- no, I fucking love him at this point, and I can't risk losing him!" Tooru sucks in a shaky breath, trying to calm himself down. "I don't know what to do anymore." 

Satori quickly brings the brunette into his chest and softly whispers into his ear, "I accept you, and I will try and find a way to help you through this." 

Tooru breaks into sobs at this statement. He has never told anyone besides his sister that he is gay. Tooru always thought people would disapprove, like his parents, so to hear that someone accepts him... He feels a weight lifted off his chest for the first time in years. 

"I- thank you, Tendou," Tooru brings an arm up to his face to wipe his own tears off his face. 

"You can call me Satori... Now," the redhead takes a piece of paper out of his shorts. "here's my number. Call me when anything-and I mean anything-happens. I'm here for you, and I want to help." 

Tooru takes the paper out of Satori's hand, "Thank you, Te- Satori." 

"Any time, now what do you say we go back in? I think our teams are waiting for us." 

Tooru nods before heading into the gym with Tendou close behind. None of the players seem to have noticed their extended absence, for they walk into the gym with little stares. That is, except Iwaizumi Hajime. Of course he knows something is up. 

"What was that about?" the ace asks.

"Oh nothing, Iwa-chan! Just catching up with an old friend!" 

Hajime knows this is a lie, but he leaves it at that. 'What actually happened out there, though?'

* * *

"Friends can be found in places you least expect it"

-Anonymous

-Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else feel bad for the water bottle? It's just sitting outside in the cold... I- Rest in peace water bottle. I'll probably have to have Oikawa get a new one when he goes on his date in the next chapter ;)  
> Oop- Sorry I shouldn't have said that :P
> 
> Also, Happy New Year!!! I hope 2021 will be much better than 2020 :P


	6. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't posted in forever  
> >~<
> 
> I was really preoccupied with school stuff and was too lazy to continue, but I'm back!!  
> I hope you like this chapter, because I think it's pretty okay!

* * *

"Oikawa, over here!" Sakura addresses, over the light chatter within the cafe.

Tooru looks in the direction of where his name was called. He sees Sakura sitting at a table that is placed near the left of the entrance. They decided to go to an older cafe about twenty minutes away from Aoba Johsai. The place has a rustic look to it. There are wooden tables and bar stools with grey metal legs to hold the furniture up. At the tables are white wooden chairs situated slightly tucked under. Another addition to the overall scheme is the faded white framing on the burgundy brick walls, along with potted plants hung about the room. The centerpiece of the cafe is a small garden with a fountain in the midst. The water feature produces the gentle sound of running water, but not enough to distract from conversations or anything you may be working on. 

"Yahoo!" Tooru greets back with a fake grin. 

He slowly walks to the seat across from Sakura and sits down with a small smile. Tooru takes one look at her and can tell that she tried hard on her outfit, which makes him feel slightly guilty for being there in a gray, oversized sweatshirt - that may or may not be Hajime's - and light-colored blue jeans. 

"Uh- you look good!" Tooru says while he gestures to her attire.

Sakura wears a pink dress with a floral design. She has subtle, natural makeup on, and her short brunette hair is curled. In all, she looked cute, but not Tooru's type, obviously.

She smiles timidly, a small blush risen to her cheeks, and responds, "O-oh, thank you... You do too!"

Right then, a waitress walks up to them with a fond smile. 

"H-hi, may I take your ord- Oh, Oikawa-san!"

"Oh my gosh- Yachi-chan?" Tooru looks at the blond with surprise. "It's so good to see you! It's been forever since we last hung out! How have you been?"

The brunette stands up and gives the short girl a tight hug, in which she returns.

"Oh, I've been good. The team is chaotic as ever, though." They both laugh before she continues, "How about you?"

"I've been good, actually I-"

Sakura cuts Tooru off with an unmistakably fake cough. She glances between the two before Yachi's eyes widen slightly.

"O-oh, I'm so sorry. My name is Yachi," the blue-eyed girl introduces herself with an apologetic laugh. 

"I'm Sakura, Tooru's girlfriend," Sakura responds dryly, with a phony smile. 

'T-Tooru?' The brunette internally freaks. 'Who gave her permission to call me that? Oh my god-' They haven't even been together for long. Hajime doesn't even call him that! What gives her the right? Tooru mentally sighs and sucks up his feelings. Sure he didn't want her to call him by his first name, but what can he do? Tell his girlfriend to stop calling him by his name? (A/N: I'M SORRY, YES?)

"Y-yeah, we got together a few days ago," Tooru awkwardly replies, in an attempt to make it unobvious that he's uncomfortable with the name she used. 

Yachi brushes off Sakura's tone and hesitantly says, "Oh! Congrats! I actually recently got together with-" She gets cut off.

"Hitoka-chan, what's taking so lon-" The raven-haired girl stops in her tracks. "Oh! Hey, Tooru."

Tooru notices Sakura's glare but chose to ignore it as he excitedly yells, "Shimizu-chan!"

He quickly runs to Kiyoko and hugs her. Tooru has known Kiyoko for some time. He has almost known the black-haired girl for as long as Hajime. He met her in middle school at a track tournament that Kiyoko partook in. He tried to hit on her, but she immediately turned him down, for she does not like men. Once she found out Tooru was gay, they became close friends. In the match where Karasuno played against Aoba Johsai, Kiyoko was internally cheering Tooru on. It wasn't very noticeable, but Tooru could tell.

"And who is this?" Kiyoko asks, referring to Sakura, who smiles through her irritation. 

Tooru falters, and let's go to glance at his girlfriend. He is the one to introduce his girlfriend this time. Kiyoko looks at him skeptically but smiles anyway and shakes the hand of the girl. Tooru can see how fake Sakura is acting, but does not care, for this is the most fun he has had all day. He begins to talk to the Krarsuno managers for a few minutes before Sakura speaks up. 

"Uhm... Tooru? Could we go back to our date now?"

Tooru really doesn't want to. Why in the world is she still be calling him by his first name? He thought it was just to make a point.

"Oh, yeah!" Tooru, maybe a bit too, enthusiastically agrees.

"W-well anyway, what would you two like to e-eat and/or drink?" Yachi then asks. 

"I'll have a Blue Hawaii Bubble Tea with Boba Tapioca Pearls and a chocolate Éclair, please!" Tooru pauses to look at Sakura. "What about you?" 

"I'll have a Strawberry Milk Tea," a prime example of how boring she really is. 

Yachi writes the orders in her pink notebook, saying, "Okay, I-I'll get that right out!"

To say Yachi and Kiyoko are worried is an understatement. They both know that Tooru's home life is not the best but do not know the details. All they have gathered is that his parents are homophobic, and he gets a girlfriend to hide that he is gay. They also have their suspicions of him liking Hajime but choose not to mention it. 

Once they get to the "staff only" section of the cafe, Yachi speaks up, "I'm worried for him. He doesn't seem like his old, happy self."

"I know. I am too, but we just got to hope that Iwaizumi-kun can figure out what's wrong before it is too late."

When the girls walk away, Sakura and Tooru are unmistakenly alone. There is a moment of uncomfortable silence between the two before Tooru speaks up. 

"If I'm not mistaken, you're in the choir? How is that going?"

"It's good! We just got a song that I really like, so that's fun! Oh, and-"

Tooru would listen more, but his brain tunes her awful stories out subconsciously, finding his napkin very appealing at the moment. Tooru begins to wonder what the Volleyball team is doing. They are probably enjoying each other's company at the mall or something while he is stuck here with Sakura. 

As if on cue, there is the sound of a group of teenagers that passes by the window Tooru is sitting by. It is the volleyball team. Of course, it is. Tooru really just wants to go out there and join them. Join his friends. Join Hajime. Fate must hate Tooru so much. He watches them pass by in complete silence. They do not even notice him. Maybe if they did, he could have gotten out of this psychological torture. 

"Are you even listening?" Sakura asks, a bit annoyed

"What? Oh, sorry. I got distracted," Tooru responds, hastily ripping his eyes away from his friends. "Oh, I think those are our orders," Tooru continues, making a gesture to Yachi, who is walking over to them with a tray in hand.

"Yeah, finally. That kind of took a while."

"Well, I mean, They are pretty busy right now. Plus they were a bit distracted because of me." 

Sakura gets a bit irritated, "Well, they still took forever. Why are you even defending them-"

"He-Hey, sorry to interrupt, but here are your drinks and éclair," Yachi says, cutting Sakura off. 

Tooru sends her a thankful glance as Yachi puts their orders down. 

"Thank you, Yachi-chan! It looks delicious," Tooru praises Yachi, as she sets their glasses and a plate down. 

"N-no problem! Tell me if you need anything else," Yachi smiles and walks away. 

"Ugh, I think she likes you. Like she was totally after you, Tooru. You should stop hanging out with her."

"I'm not going to stop hanging out with her. Yachi is a great great friend, and she doesn't like me. Plus, no one would be stupid enough to hit on someone else while their girlfriend is right there," Tooru defends. 

Sakura goes quiet. Tooru knows that she is probably homophobic, but he does not care. Sakura is _not_ going to tell him to stop hanging out with someone for acting nice. Tooru picks up his teal-colored brink and takes a sip. Sakura is just like every other girlfriend he has had, she tries to be overprotective and tell him to stop hanging out with his friends. It's exhausting. 

The rest of the date goes by slowly, Sakura tells her stories, and Tooru pretends to listen. At about 4:30, they decide to leave. They say goodbye, and Tooru kisses her cheek, to much of his distaste. Tooru sighs, walking away from the cafe. All he wants to do right now is hand out with his Iwa-chan. He wants to fall into his arms and cuddle for the rest of the day, and he does just that. Well, not the cuddling part, but he decides to go to Hajime's house. 

Tooru knocks on the wooden door and stands outside, waiting for someone to open up. After a moment, Tooru starts to think Hajime may not be back yet, but right as that thought slips into his head, the handle is turned.   
  


* * *

“When lost, go to what’s familiar”

-Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I Luv you cand have a fantastic day/night <3


	7. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oki, so I am totally not writing this instead of my essay that's due in two days... no.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter, and I don't have anything else to say, so please enjoy!

* * *

Hajime hears a knock at the front door from his place in bed. Twenty minutes previous, he had gotten back from the hangout. Hajime sighs. The person knocking is probably just one of his mom's friends, therefore he is hopeful that he does not have to open the door. 

"Hajime, could you get the door please?"

Hajime sighs. "Damn it," he whispers under his breath but does as his mother says, regardless. "Okay," He yells in response.

Hajime doesn't want to get up; he's tired, but he does so anyway. The black-haired boy drags his feet from his navy-blue comforter onto the floor. Hajime knows that he is probably taking too long, but can't bring himself to care. The ace slowly walks downstairs and to the front door. Quietly, he turns the gold-colored clasp and tiredly opens the wooden entryway, to see familiar brown locks of hair.

"Oh, Oikawa. What are you doing here?"

Tooru looks at the male with surprise, for he hadn't expected anyone to open up. 

"Iwa-chan! I missed you, so I decided to stop by!" 

Hajime looks at him with doubt, "What about your date?" 

"O-oh... I just got back!" 

"Hajime, who is it- Oh! Tooru, how wonderful it is to see you! Please come in!"

"Hello, Iwa-san, and thank you."

Tooru takes his shoes off in the familiar, warm household. He has always loved to go to the Iwaizumi family home. They have always made him feel welcome and safe. It's the only place Tooru can really call home besides when he's with his volleyball team. Hajime closes the door behind Tooru. 

"Also, I told you to just call me Michiko, sweetie. You are our family." 

"Ah- sorry, Michiko-san." 

Michiko Iwaizumi is Hajime's mom. She looks a lot like her son, besides possessing a more feminine figure, resting a few inches lower, and her deep green eyes instead of brown. Her spiky black hair is thrown into a messy ponytail with a red hairband. She wears a casual blue T-shirt, black leggings, and house slippers. 

"Anyway, how about you boys go up to Hajime's room, yeah? Tell me if you need anything!" 

The teens nod and walk up to Hajime's bedroom after Tooru puts on his alien-themed slippers he keeps here. 

"Have I ever told you you're a nerd?" 

Tooru pouts, "Am not! Also, you're thinking of a geek, not a nerd!"

Hajime laughs quietly before laying back on his bed. They stay in a content quietness as Tooru lays down with him. They simply enjoy each other's company. That is until Hajime remembers the date the other had just gone on.

"So... How was your date?"

"It was good. We went to a cafe and hung out some," Tooru responds with a fake smile. "Oh! I also saw Yachi-chan and Shimizu-chan! They work at that older cafe near our school now! It was good to see them."

Tooru is now on his side, looking at Hajime. Hajime glances over at the brunette.

He then jokes, "Sounds like you had more fun seeing them than your girlfriend."

Tooru stays quiet, laying back on his back. The silence answers Hajime's implied question. He sighs. The atmosphere in the room is now tense. Of course, Tooru didn't like his date, he doesn't even like the girl, and of course, Hajime isn't too thrilled. They stay silent for a bit longer until they both decide to speak. 

"How-", "Sor-", they both start at the same time, the latter being Hajime. 

The two teens stay quiet for a moment.

"You first," Tooru says.

"No, it's fine. You go."

"I was just going to ask what you guys did. I actually saw you through the window, but Sakura didn't want to go say hi."

Hajime then starts to explain what they did, but in the back of his mind, he keeps a question to ask later. First, they went to a cafe, where they eventually got kicked out for the cause of a ruckus. After, they just went to walk around town and goofing off. Tooru wishes he could have gone. By this point, they have sat up in the bed and conversing about the team's mischief. Simple things like Kyotani trying to kill Yahaba or how Matsukawa and Hanamakki decided to roll down a hill. Tooru embeds these memories in his brain and tries to imagine each instance, which isn't too hard. They laugh and have fun, like usual. 

"So, why didn't Sakura want to say hi?" 

Tooru's laughter dies down almost instantly, before he smiles once more, "Aw, Iwa! Are you worried?"

"You're dodging the question, Oikawa."

Oikawa immediately retorts, "Says you!"

"Oikawa."

"Okay, okay! She just wanted some alone time."

"...You sure that's it?"

"Yeah, of course! Do you think I would lie to you, Iwa-chan?" 

Hajime stays quiet. He worries for Tooru. He knows he doesn't love Sakura, but then he doesn't know why he dates her. 

A certain object then catches Hajime's eye, and decides to point it out in a teasing tone, "Is that my hoodie you're wearing?"

Tooru's face almost immediately heats up. He had totally forgotten about that. 

"N-no."

"Oh my god. Did you wear my hoodie to a date?" Hajime then asks a bit surprised.

"M-maybe," Tooru responds as he looks away from his friend and hugs his knees to his chest, a habit he's developed for when he's anxious or flustered. 

Hajime chuckles and shakes his head from side to side, not even able to put up a front. He can not deny that his best friend looks adorable in his sweatshirt, though he does wonder how it seems oversized. The male is taller than him, but he then recognizes Tooru's twig-like figure. His mind is put at ease and accepts the answer. Hajime looks at the boy with fondness and wonders how such a pure being could lie to so many and lead them on. 

"I still don't know why you do it," Hajime mummers under his breath, but Tooru still catches on to what he said. 

"What do you mean, Iwa-chan?"

Hajime's anger level rises the slimmest bit, and so does his voice, "Why do you just lie to so many girls, saying you love them? Why do you lead them on and not even try to pretend you like them? Why do you break so many girls' hearts and not even have the nerve to apologize? Tell me why Tooru! Tell me why! Help me understand!" Hajime's voice had risen to beyond his regular talking voice, trying to comprehend Tooru's actions. 

On the other hand, the brunette looks at his crush with wide eyes. He can tell Hajime wants to know everything, but Tooru is apprehensive. He would love to tell him everything. He wants to. Maybe then he can stop hurting. Maybe then he could finally have someone there for him. There was even the chance Hajime could feel the same way, but then... what if he doesn't? What if he doesn't accept Tooru? What if he just leaves him and makes him suffer all alone? What if he tells him he's disgusting and tells his parents that he's gay? What if Tooru just ends up hurt even more? 

Tooru's breath is quickened, which alarms Hajime. He doesn't know what to do. The winged-spiker rarely sees his setter in this state. The brunette looks on the verge of a panic attack. "Shit," is the first thing Hajime's brain can come up with. He doesn't know what to do as Tooru curls up into a ball, almost closing himself off from Hajime and the world. He hasn't seen the extroverted, egotistical boy look so small in forever. He thinks back to when they were kids, and when he had comforted Tooru through the loss of his sister. He remembers back to the daily panic attacks and crying. Hajime remembers how he would hold the boy in his arms and caress his brown locks. He would whisper soft nothings into the boy's ear and tell him everything would be okay. That's exactly what he did.

Hajime hesitantly wraps his arms around the figure of his friend. Tooru flinches but almost immediately gives in to the soft, familiar touch of his childhood friend. Hajime brings his hand to Tooru's hair and pulls the boy's head to his chest. The black-haired male strokes his captain's head and runs his fingers through the unfairly soft hair. Hajime feels and hears Tooru slowly calm down. Small hiccups come from the brunette instead of intense sobs. Tooru still grips onto Hajime and Hajime grips back. The setter wants to say something. He wants to tell him at least a part of the truth. He feels the lump in his throat dissipate, advising him to tell Hajime what's going on. 

Tooru then speaks in a low whisper, "I'm gay."

Both boys tense. "W-what?"

"I-I'm gay," Tooru says, waiting for the boy to respond negatively. 

Hajime jerks back and looks Tooru in the eye intensely, making him flinch, but says, "What's... What's wrong with that?" 

Tooru feels as if a weight has been lifted off his chest, but at the same time, he feels as if he is about to cry again. 

"W-what's wrong?" Hajime asks, startled by the tears welling in Tooru's golden-brown eyes.

Tooru looks at Hajime and smiles through his big crocodile tears as they fall. "Nothing, nothing at all." 

They go on like that for the rest of the day, happy. They continue to relish in each other's presence and go on as they usually do. Except for this time, Tooru feels less guilty. He isn't lying as much to the one he loves, but there is still a long journey ahead of them.   
  


* * *

“Be true to yourself and honest with others”

-Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering, I got a good grade on that essay :)  
> Don't you just love IwaOi being awkward? lol! I mean- they have been friends for who knows how long, but I can't help imagine them being really awkward at times like at the beginning of this. Also- can we talk about Iwa comforting him dxcfkm;... I'm such a simp :)  
> Btw, I write each section of notes before and then after the chapter so that's why I know my essay grade lol  
> Also- Can we talk about how I wrote angst and fluff in the same chapter?  
> dxfcgikodfxcghugcfhvjgchfhcghv Iwa-chan is so ACCEPTING zsdfxcgbhjvknlm;jhfgxchvug
> 
> Btw, this story is full of my interpretation of the characters so sorry if it's a tad bit inaccurate :P
> 
> Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter! Love you, bye <3


	8. What We Call Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have anything to say so please enjoy the story!

* * *

"I'm home," Tooru announces as he walks through his front door at six. 

"Hi, honey. Where did you go?" his mom asks, walking out of the kitchen in her floral apron.

"Oh, I went on a date with my girlfriend," Tooru responds, choosing to avoid more questions by leaving out the fact that he went to Hajime's. 

"Okay, well, dinner should be ready in thirty minutes. How about you go up to your room and finish your homework."

Tooru nods and walks up the stairwell to his right, though he already completed his work Friday night. When he gets to his room, he jumps onto his bed backward and takes out his phone. Tooru contemplates what to do but decides to text Satori. 

**Kawa-**

_Hey, Ten-chan! What are you up to?_

The two have been texting since the practice game. They just give life updates and joke around. Tooru finds it pleasant to speak to someone new and who knows his secrets. 

**Ten-chan-**

_Kawa! I just got back from practice._

_Btw, how was your date? :(_

Tooru sighs, not wanting to talk about it after everything that happened at Hajime's house.

**Kawa-**

_It was okay, I guess._

_Oh! I went to Iwa-chan's house today too._

**Ten-chan-**

_OooOOOoooO~ and how did that go~_

**Kawa-**

_Well, I broke down in front of him and told him that I'm gay o-o_

**Ten-chan-**

o-o

_Wait-_

_WHAT?! For real?!?!_

**Kawa-**

_Yeah, luckily, he's supportive, but he is obviously straight._

_But what if he finds out I like him?! Oh fuuuuuuuck, I'm dead-_

**Ten-chan-**

_Even if he doesn't like you, which is not true btw, he still supports you, so I don't think anything would change._

_Oh, today, Wakatoshi-kun understood a joke I made._

_It was creepy..._

**Kawa-**

_Omg, how?? I didn't know that was possible!_

Tooru and Satori go on like this for a while, just having fun. Somewhere in the midst, Satori goes on a rant about his team; that "Semi-semi" and "Shiraboobs" were fighting again. Tooru assumes that he is talking about the third and second-year setters the school has. Though, he does feel closer to the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Club. He is starting to see the school as just that, a regular school, with regular people and regular conversations, even if it is "prestigious". Tooru wouldn't mind going there if he didn't have to be away from Hajime. Tooru begins to grasp the team's system and friendships. Even though he has never really met them, both boys agree that major and Shirabu most definitely like each other and that Goshiki is a giant fanboy, whether he accepts it or not. They also both agree that Ushiwaka is oblivious when it comes to any basic human interactions, but anyone would agree to that. To put it simply, Tooru has fun... and possibly wants to play matchmaker with Satori. 

**Ten-chan-**

_Oh, oh!_

_One time, we all went to the mall, right?_

**Kawa-**

_Mhm_

**Ten-chan-**

_Okay, so we got there and went into a Hot Topic (btw this one has a changing room)._

_Okay, so we forced Shirabu to go into one and put on what we give him and then gave him a skirt!_

_He was all like, "no," at first, but we finally convinced him to put it on!_

**Kawa-**

_Omg, do not tell me you did what I think you did-_

**Ten-chan**

_YES!_

_We took his clothes and made him wear it the rest of the day!!! It was hilarious, and you should have seen how much Shiraboobs and Semi-semi were blushing XD!!!_

Tooru is about to answer when he hears his mom call for him from downstairs. 

**Kawa-**

_Lmao XD_

_Dsfghgftdhgj, sorry but I have to go._

_My parents are calling me down for dinner :(_

**Ten-chan-**

_Aww, okay :(_

_Ttyl, and don't get them mad!_

When Tooru sees that his red-haired friend said his farewell, he smiles and sets his phone down. His mind responds with, 'Can't make any promises'. A sigh escapes Tooru's lips as he stares up at the constellation of green stars stuck to his ceiling. 

"Tooru, get down here," Tooru hears a loud, masculine voice demand. 

The brunette is quick to hop off his bed and rush downstairs; not even the thought of taking his phone crosses his mind. When he gets to the first floor of the two-story home, he sees both his parents sitting at the small dining table. Tooru gulps down the lump in his throat and hesitantly makes his way over to his typical chair. He sits down. 

"I heard some disturbing news from one of my colleagues. It's about one of your friends."

Tooru's father pauses while Tooru looks at him in question. His father has a stern look, bunching up his dark brown brows. His frown is evident with how it curves his anchor-shaped beard, and his eyes pierce the newspaper he was reading. The room is tense in anticipation; even Tooru's mom looks unsettled. Nothing Hajime had told him of the day's events could have possibly made his father mad. Tooru waits for his father to continue.

"He told me that your friend - Hanamakki was it? - was kissing a boy."

Tooru's eyes widen. Of course, it was those two. They always show PDA when with the team. Now though, Tooru is actually suffering from it, in contrast to him joking about feeling too single while giving Hajime glances to see how the male would react. 

"I do not want you to hang out with those fags anymore. They may rub off on you."

"But they're my friends! What's _so_ bad about being gay?" 

Tooru immediately regrets what he said, and his eyes go wide. ' _Shit'._

"Tooru, how could you say that? You know why. It's just unnatural!" Tooru's mother defends, truly not understanding his point. 

Tooru feels tears threaten to stretch into his eyes as he semi-loudly fights back, "Why should we judge them for loving one another? Is it really so bad to love someone, the same gender or not?" 

"Tooru, this is not a debate. You will not hang out this these homosexual freaks anymore, even if it means you quit the volleyball team, and that's final," Tooru's dad puts his foot down, internally fuming. 

Tooru stays quiet for a moment, looking down at his clenched fists. He refuses to cry in front of his unforgiving parents. Tooru temporarily holds back his feelings and visually gets his thoughts together. 

"If it's alright, I think I will go up to my room. I'm not too hungry," Tooru says in the calmest voice possible, yet that doesn't stop a tremble make it up to his voice. 

"No, you will sit down, and we will have dinner as a family."

Tooru stays quiet but still does as his father said. They eat in dead silence, only the sound of chopsticks touching a plate seeping through. Every little bit of noise makes Tooru more irritated yet uneasy. He desperately wants to cry. He desperately wants to go to Hajime's and be held in his arms. He desperately wants to get out of here, anywhere, if it didn't mean he was at his house, at this dining table, with his parents. At the place, he calls "home". 

* * *

"The easy part of an image is obtaining it. The hard part is maintaining it"

-Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rhyming wasn't on purpose- I swear- o-o
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading!!! If you have any suggestions, I would be more than happy to hear them as long as it's contructive (9｀･ω･)9
> 
> Mk, luv you bye <3


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